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I want to die

Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

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  2005.06.13  01.22


I'm such a sad human being. God should forsake me. I'm lazy and I complain. I'm so lazy. I'm shirking off all my responsibilities. I'm bad. I missed my training. Im not studying. It's like I like being and living in sloth. I'm not clean and I never will be ever again. I have committed a grave mortal sin. I love the fact that I have done so, in some senses of course. I continue to just take pride and bathe myself in my sin and to continually sin and love every minute of it. I don't know what to do. My future half is up in the air. I am clinging to one who's heart soars high but whose everything else plummits far below. I live in my dreams. I used to dream every night of a city and world that doesn't exist. The old Republic of Darkness. A fantasy world where I would trade my very soul to reside in. Where I would be queen and he would be my king and we would dwell in prosperity for eternity for we would never fade away but shine, shine forevermore. When will my searching ever stop? Now that I have found my soulmate, my searching had stopped but that is of the heart. What of the mind? My mind searches forevermore. Into the depths of this very chasm we call reality. I hate the Western lands of yore. I hate the dreaded Central buildings of the sky. I hate the very foundations of education that has so failed my adored one. I hate that I live in my mind. Why do I appear so normal on the outside? Will one day, my madness consume me and in my rantings and raves I cry out "ycantidie" and then people see how my mind has deteriorated? My secret ruminations of decrepit phantasma that is my graveyard of the unborn ideas of my mind. My neighbourhood #3.

Why can't I just fall in the street one day, but rather than remaining solid upon hitting concrete... just burst like a drop of water and melt away and dissolve?

"Did you find the answer yer been lookin for?"
"No. Don't think I ever will"

 
 


 
  2005.04.10  23.53


don't see why its illegal to kill yourself. really goddamn dont

wanted to kill myself. still do. boyfriend flipped out though. he cant exist without me and needs me to take care of him and is that the only reason im still alive? because he needs me to take care of him? its a sad thought. he's fucking pissing me off. guilting me into life.

yes its my parents being dumb fucks but i think its so much more. like i think i snapped this friday when they fucking behaved like cunts and now i just wont heal back up again. its like im always on the verge of crying. fucking dumbfuckks omfg. i feel broken. im so fucking fucked for calculus too. goddamn me. i think the only way out is to kill myself for real this time. i can't take all this fucking shit anymore. i really cant. it'll fuck everyone around me but fuck them, i dont live to keep their fucking lives normal i live because i want to and i dont want to anymore. everyone's failed me. it's time to fail myself and die.

i think what im going to do is caulk up my garage, and leave both a bbq and my car running inside it to build up co2 levels until i asyphxiate myself. leave a note saying i fucking hate my parents and this fucking stinking world and want no more of it. so i can finally rest. im so broken and sad. i just couldnt make it. i tried so hard but i just cant make it anymore. dont know what to do no more.

 
 


 
  2005.03.20  00.37


SO:

yesterday was good:

1. jow snuck into my house and woke me up :) its always nice when im nice and warm in the bed and he's cold from outside and i warm the snuggy up
2. we snuggled all day :)
3. went to yang's which was SUSHI AND SASHIMI AND TEMPURA ALL YOU CAN EAT HEAVEN!!!!!!
4. it was good


today the idiot went to a lan party, i called him there (cuz he was sick, im not a dumbass) and he says "it would be better without you here"

which
1. makes no sense, im not "here" unless he means on the phone (and im just being nice, he DID say to call him)
2. can be a freudian slip or whatever but you know what? maybe he's just an idiot who says stupid shit all the time
3. he is bad with english and he said he was sick
4. why the hell is he at a lan party???? goddamn it. thats for frigging geeks!

sigh. i hate when he says stupid shit. there's no other word for that except stupid shit.

we just talked for awhile, he made me feel better i guess. sometimes i hate the way he makes me feel.

he says he hates it too.



Mood: sad
 
 


 
  2005.03.03  17.37


so tired lately. i think something's wrong with me, medically. going to the doctor tommorow.
opted to buy out to "see the hockey game" but instead will spend the afternoon with jow.'

sometimes, he's a bit dumb and just when we have some good convos, he'll come out and say something stupid, or not know when to stop saying stupid things and ruin the convo. -___- im a little tired of it happening actually. like its not all the time, its just that its occured numerous times and well, i dont like it.

so much work before the march break. damn bitches.

friggin damn bitch of an english teacher, if i didnt catch her mistake, my mark would be an 81 instead of an 89.
what a friggin big difference!!!!!! =_________= and its up to ME to catch HER mistakes, sheeeeeeeesh what a great
institution of education. i hate school.

i hate people too. everyone. equally.

i dont know what the hell i want. this past week, i felt ive been a ghost, not really living, just floating along in school acting like im normal and that im awake and alive. im so out of it lately. i think its because im sick and i havent had time to go to the doctors and i probably have something eating my brain or something making me feel goddamn retarded all the time instead of alert.

im so tired. maybe i should do my work and go to sleep early...

~___~ everyone sucks.


-V.

 
 


 
  2005.02.11  19.55


Air - How Does It Make You Feel

I am feeling very warm right now
Please don't disappear
I am spacing out with you
You are the most beautiful entity that I've ever dreamed of

At night I will protect you in your dreams
I will be your angel
You worry so much about not having enough time
together
It makes no difference to me
I would be happy with just one minute in your arms
Let's have an extended play together
You're telling me that we live too far to love each
other
But your love can stretch further than you and I
can see
So how does it make you feel?

How does it make you feel?
How does it make you feel?
How does it make you feel?
How does it make you feel?

Do you know when you look at me
It is a salvation
I've been waiting for you so long
I can drive on that road forever
I wish you could exist to live on my planet
Well it's very hard for me to say these things in
your presence
So how does it make you feel?

How does it make you feel?
How does it make you feel?
How does it make you feel?
How does it make you feel?

So how does it make you feel?


----------


Had our valentine's early cuz we had a PA day, the both of us.

He lit 100 candles and surprised me, led me into the apartment with my eyes closed and when i opened them, the apartment was dark and romantically lit by all these beautiful little floating candles with rose buds surrounding them, he made me a dish that took 3 days to make and he bought me a beautiful gift (watch because i lost mine) in a beautiful box and wrote me a beautiful poem and wore a beautiful suit because he knows i love when he wears his suit. he's so good to me and has salvaged my wreck of a soul. i cried i was so happy :) no one has really made me do that before, just him, i cry because im so happy i cant express it. my mental health is 100% stable and i never need worry about being depressed or suicidal ever again, he'll take care of me forever :) he saved my life :)

he saved my soul, he saved me.

 
 


 
  2005.02.07  23.55


V. says:
its the best feeling in the entire world, being in your arms
Jow says:
:)
V. says:
you're so warm
V. says:
you have a certain weight to you, i like to feel you
V. says:
like you're just right
V. says:
not too heavy, not too light, built just right
Jow says:
i just love how you feel against me, so small, so perfect
Jow says:
i wouldn't change a thing
Jow says:
we were made for each other



we may seem a bit of a physical couple but its never like that
we just love each other for what we are, 2 fumbling people, searching for love
searching for each other in this diseased world, a true love can blossom into
something so pure and fragile, it can bring colour to the blank emptiness that
has been my life for the past too-long years as a prisoner of my mind

i'd be long dead in the ground if not for him
while he may not be an intellectual, that was never what i was searching for
i was searching for a person who knew the world for what it was, was never
wearing blinders, but saw the sky for the blue blue richness it IS
AND the muddy filth of the world down below!

one day soon we will both be free to fly in the rainbow sky and swim in the azure lakes
but until then, I wait. We wait. but knowing he's there for me, forever.

well.

it makes it bearable.

he makes life.....worth living

i cant feel sorry enough for those who will never experience the richness
of finding one's soulmate.

-V.

 
 


 
  2004.12.23  01.30


the distance between us just kills me sometimes. makes me frustrated. sad. angry. frustrated. frustrated. frustration is
killing me. frustrated.

he honestly is kinda stupid sometimes too. really stupid sometimes. he makes me upset on numerous occasions.

life is getting me down again.


i just dont know what to do with myself sometimes.

sometimes i sink into depressive states.

i really am starting to think so deeply about the kinks in this world.

hamlet's tragic flaw was that he thought too much.
so is mine.

words cant express the sadness/pent up frustration in me. and theres not much i can do about it right now.

i just have to survive.

-V.

How does it make YOU feel?



Mood: frustrated
 
 


 
  2004.12.05  01.52


:(


i dont even know what i want to say on this. except that jow lives far, doesn't go to the same school and that
puts a tremendous stress on me. but ive realized something. this guy... he's for life. he will be the man i marry
one day. i just have to continue on, there's nothing else i can do. my parents are asses too and yeah i have to
date him in secret which i think is utter bullshit. what the fuck are they going to do when i leave??? i have a
countdown to the day? isnt that sad. but i have one. 274 more days till residence move in day. too bad they couldnt
hold it in august.

im depressed again but as my mother finally confirmed, yes it runs in the family. females only. boy am i blessed.
another health problem for me.

so much going on it makes my head spin -- when will it all end? why do i hurt so much? when will this all stop?
im just so tired. sleep. sleep.

i am not long for this world. everything is confusing me. the more i learn about christianity through philosophy
class, the more it scares and bewilders me. what am i going to do?

reading hamlet in english... boy do i love that guy. hamlet's the man.

this genius through no work thing is also putting me through pains. i can ace tests but i feel guilty sometimes of
my gift compared to my friends. plus i'll probably wind up in trouble for stuff i need to actually work hard on.
whatever.

i hope im not starting to live my life only for jow and that im sidetracked to my other goals, i.e. BECOMING A DOCTOR.
sheeesh V., sheesh. that should be my 1st priority at all times but its hard to make it.

i think physio finally worked this time. good.

-V.

 
 


 
  2004.11.20  00.01


havent updated here in awhile. wow. i guess im losing a need for this lj. im happy and sane. why do i need
a live journal with the name of 'ycantidie' when i want to live? <--- shock

heh never thought i'd turn out like this but God has graced me so utterly in my life. i do not deserve His love.

Wojciech. I dont know what to say except that this is the man I will marry. I love him so much, so much, so much.
Friends. A lot better than I give them credit for. Most times :P
Health. A little better. I'm not dying so I won't complain.
Uni. So stressful getting in but what happens, happens.
Family. (the big one) i realize they can be worse, they are asses sometimes, but my time with them is limited. plus
they are my family.


Anyway. I have started posting on my REAL lj, but as my REAL self.

That is all

-AK. <---- shocker!!

btw: i love this:

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/fuzzymath.php



Mood: good
 
 


 
  2004.10.27  21.23


i am going to marry jow one day.

i am completely in love with him.

he affects my studies.

i am a leaky wine jar.

but i love him.

and i'm never letting him go.

mark my words.

-V.

 
 


 
  2004.10.15  21.51


things got pretty heated with jow today, i love him but i hope we're not rushing into the physical too soon...
i think we are. and i really need to clean up my act. ive been lying, manipulating and decieving people all day
today. not to mention skipping class. handing in forged documents. but i realized i cant do it anymore and starting tommorow, its all being cleaned up.

im really heated for jow --____-- weird for a scientist like me to actually learn... love is real and tangible!

 
 


 
  2004.10.08  20.52


woooooaaaah old school hip hop and funk and r&b megamixes are soooooooooooooooooooo as we caribbean folk say "BOSS" :P

had the most AMAZING NIGHT WITH JOW EVER :D im always so confused but he's such a sweet heart, i love him more than
anything. we made out behind the old school near the river. we found an old basketball too and shot some hoops :-)
mother saw the hickey but didnt make it into a huge ass deal like she could of. which im very greatful to my good pal
Jesus for. He's so amazing i love him, Jesus that is. Jow too. Jesus first of course. It makes me rather sad that my
father is a muslim. I rather dislike that religion immensely.

i've realized that jow is negatively affecting my studies. he really is. but i mean ive never actually been this happy.
so what am i to do? i was never happy with only academia and my friends, but now i AM happy. i read my boss' lj and he
said that love shouldnt stop your dreams but should help you achieve them and if they are both important, then they should
both be priorities. i need to learn balence. university and getting into it is stressing me out to no end. i need a damn
90 average for McMac, wtf, like thats HIGH as hell because my calc mark is sucking and gonna suck some major ass unless
i put some hard core work into it which i will. so yep that wasnt as coherant as it could be but meh.

saw a girl getting molested in a car today, made the fucking bastard roll down his fucking windows and i gave him such
a fucking evil eye and told him im calling the fucking police on him lest he fucking shape up. called the cops anyway.
if he DARE touch a woman like that, im going to be all over him to mess him the fuck up. Jow was surprised as hell to see
me act so tough but cmon. i live in the fucking worse and poorest place in town, im used to being ghett seeing shyt like
that and i dont take shit like that no more from anyone. if i want to be a champion of justice and human rights what the
hell, how can i NOT say something when i see something as disturbing as that??? seeing it in real life is 1000000x as
frightening to me as seeing it on tv. im not desensitized at all. jow was proud of me as hell.

umm yea i was greedy rewrote a quiz for a 3% increase. didnt study bet i still got perfect. dammit i love biology.

-V. .. not the reeeeeal initial. try maaaaybe a K. for something?



Mood: loved
 
 


 
  2004.10.01  21.26


so sick :(

as usual parents are anal and what not. they have a diabolical plan to never let me go out, EVER. and when i mean ever,
i mean ever, no going out on fridays, weekends, whatever, only go to school.

obviously being the rebel i am, im like "fuck that" and i continue to find ways to go out. or see jow. like skipping
or going late to class, which is not good. hmm.

a number of my friends are going crazy from this uni pressure. its absurd. im going crazy. apparently, i have "a fear of
success" and i try to PURPOSELY not do well to trip myself up so i wont have to experience success. it's not as crazy
as it sounds, it's real and i fit the description. any hoo, i need to work on my negative thought patterns "apparently"
and get rid of this thing. that's why i've been slacking off at school. i dont want to see myself succeed because i have
a weird little notion in my head.


despite that, ive rocked a number of tests so far :D and i dont really try. its awesome to be a gifted pompous prick.
im gonna pay for that in university though. meh.

a lot of people aka t and oli keep asking about me and woj and when we're going to umm consumate our relationship
and its kinda weird. its none of THEIR business. plus im not a slut like some and dont fuck every single boy as
soon as i start dating him. *COUGH* but i mean, i want it to be perfect and special, not on the ground in
someone's damn living room, wtf. -_____ - after prom.

anyways always so damn wicked to talk to browns! YEA YEA!!!! :D :D

k too much to continue this, later

-v.

 
 


 
  2004.09.20  17.23


Why is it, that in my final year of highschool, which is supposed to be the best and funnest (not
a word) and whatever, it's not? In fact, its kinda crappy.

My friends are so aloof. T is all over the place hanging out with backstabbing bitches and going
to jams. I think thats stupid as hell but whatever its her own perogative. I don't even really
care too much for her anymore to tell you the truth. She's being a fucking bitch lately omg.

J is cool he's the only one like me. R is meh. P is meh. annoying but meh. everyone else except
the tall one is annoying.

Everyone is like fucking around and J and I are the only one actually doing all our work. how
can i afford to go to a jam in grade 12? i have too much to do. omg. all these people having
fun around me and i cant have fun, wtf, its ALWAYS ALWAYS like that.

is that the life of a scientist? everyone having fun except you? stuck doing work while
everyone can party? its going to be like this forever. CAN I HANDLE IT? but i have to.
these people are driving me nuts. they are of a different cloth than I. i can't handle them.
my school is like a zoo. they herd us to different classes. it's disgustingly overcrowded. the
school system is overcrowded. i cant breathe in there.

i promised myself not to vandalize the school anymore. that kinda fell flat. all i remind myself
is this:

popularity means SHIT next year. SHIT.
who the fuck cares if you were popular in highschool? no fucking one. NO ONE. you are there
to work in class. THANK GOD. i cant wait to have LECTURES with intelligent people and professors
not these hacks (my teachers this year are actually not that bad, good people) and fucking
dumbasses my classes seem to REEK of.

however, i've realized I wasted this summer, "wasted" by not reviewing. I'm behind in some of
my classes because i havent' reviewed or had time to review stuff or whatever. i need to do some
revision. hmm. i already dicked up a quiz. cant do that again. NO.

got competition now, someone i gotta beat. makes me feisty for school. must beat. its good
to have a pseudo-enemy you have to beat in school, makes you try harder.

anyway, is my whole school year going to be like this? an endless parade of exec meetings, sham
talking with "friends", working, studying. laughs are few and far between. i see jow so
infrequently. not as much as i'd like, thats for sure.

i gotta keep focussed. im not competeting with my school i'm competing with all those intelligent students out there, in the whole land, coming to MY future university. interesting, scary thought.
don't know what i'm going to do if i don't get into health sciences.

just gotta keep focussed on the things that matter. when the year becomes easier, oh trust me, it would and will be worth it, its just so hard to see that far yet so near into the future.

so disatisfied with school and my friends. i just dont want to be here anymore.

and thus

i must study.

-v.



Mood: blank
 
 


 
  2004.09.12  23.06


i actually truly love my boyfriend

he's kinda making me not concentrate about school ~____~ which i cant afford because its my
final year!

havent been this "happy" in awhile with him, its in quotations because i wont be truly happy
until university

finally got my g2!!!!!!!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh omg
drove around today by myself, felt good. FINALLY.

phone's ringing. quiet. quiet. not for me.

oh? no not for me.

i should be concentrating on school but i'm feeling rather lethargic lately. geh ~___~

-V.

 
 


 
  2004.09.09  22.33


i hate my parents

 
 


 
  2004.09.07  20.32


Today was the first day of school. Alpha. Awaiting Omega.

Umm whatever it was a waste of my time. I'm rather worried, I'm being quite aloof
and this is my final year. I need at least a 90 average to get into McMaster and
I'm really worried about making a mistake of some sort. ~___~ sigh.

Wussed out of taking my driving test. However, I may go for it tommorow, but then
I'll be missing Calculus...the first damn class. Nothing ever works out for me.

Heard my parents potentially talking about how "wild" I've become. Makes me sad.
Many parents would kill for a daughter like me. They are a bunch of raving idiots.
I am tired of writing about them in this stupid journal because it's always the same.
Always. That's why I await university. And that's why I must succeed.

Too bad my name was omitted from the planner for my club. My fault I suppose.

Saw my boyfriend today, totally because school ended early without my knowledge.
He is just so amazing. He's really shy too, which is quite cute ^^ He's a little
lacking on the "smarts" but I mean, I don't want to date a guy who's purely an
intellect. Jow is perfect for me :D I can't believe that the first time I met
him, I disliked him immediately. We made out on the paddle boats this summer :P :P
My first romantic kiss ... on paddle boats in the dark ~___~ I've been kissed lots
but never like that. A shy, halting, beautiful kiss. Jow is just so special to me.
I mean, so is KK, but Jow is just great. It was a complete coincidence we are
together.

Had to sneak around so much this summer, and now that my crew has deemed every
friday theirs, I have a whole school year of sneaking. Like why can't my stupid
parents just accept that guys are acceptable as friends? And that YES I can have
a boyfriend?? When other people like go to DINNER with their parents and boyfriend
and I can't even TELL my parents I'm dating Jow, what the hell is that? I have to
wait for university. At least my mom "said I can date but no sex" -____-

University. so. much. pressure. but i'm so excited. I'm one step closer to my dream.
Doctors Without Borders!!! ^^^^^^^^^^^

A little closer to Jesus lately. I actually told my mom I wanted to start going back
to church and she said I should focus on school and not church... ??? ?___?
I don't know what to do with them anymore.

Feeling a little empty at the moment. But the rep from McMaster is coming the 27th OMG!
Saw that in the planner and got freaked out! :D

wow am i tired.

 
 


 
  2004.09.01  23.36


Who likes the CNE? I had a BLAST there today!! ^^ (taken from the ferris wheel!!)



 
 


 
  2004.08.30  20.55
oooh lordy troubles so hard, dont nobody know what troubles we got

driving test AGAIN tommorow. if i fail, i dont what i am going to do.

i'm not sure i'm ready for it? i was so confident before and now failing has made me think
of myself as an unsafe driver.

something is stuck in my glottis area, i can feel it, it is making the inside of my neck
itch and is causing discomfort. it's happened before, i think its from the steak. i hope it
dislodges itself because it's annoying the hell out of me.

i have a really great boyfriend, he's amazing. i think he's the first guy i've truly, deeply
cared about, and look at that. it's the end of the summer and he finally asks me out and
school is starting in less than 9 days, and we wont be able to see each other a lot because
he goes to eci. isn't that amazing? things were going good, things are going bad, it's an
interesting thing, this summer.

recently, i've become very, very dissatisfied with the world. we live in such splendor, when
so many people in the world are so very poor. or having their human rights violated. how
can i eat my ice cream and watch tv, which north koreans suffer in secret gulags? or so
many people are killed in the darfur region? how can i sell meaningless tripe at work
when so many people are having their human rights violated in china? but what can i do?

a highschool kid has no voice. or at least not now. i mean, i've joined Amnesty International,
but that's not enough. i literally want to change the world. and the only way i can think of
that is to become a terrorist, or a politician. i wonder if i will end up like Che? dying
unknown, unkempt. at the model un, i think i will have a high profile speaker, especially
one who will speak about the DPRK secret human rights crisis, and if i change one mind, just
one, maybe i have done something worthy.

my own best friend can't keep up with me anymore. my thoughts are too deep, too probing. she
is so simple compared to my analytical mind. i wish i was more like her. i remember, promising
with the devil himself, that if i were only normal, he could have my eternal soul. ignorance
is bliss. unhappy with this world. very unhappy. why is this world so unjust?

i want to right all wrongs, be a defender of human rights. but is that realistic? if only
there were more like me out there. all of us to unite. sometimes, i think that literally,
the end of the world, is best. for there to be nuclear fallout. just end everything. we
don't deserve this fragile Earth. we are a disgusting race. but then, there are those, who
are so good, that they don't deserve a fate so cruel. what to do. wait for God to sort us
all out on the Day of Judgement.

i just wish this:

i wish everyone on this planet, could see what i see. and then know.

-V.
the same old fake inital.

oooh lordy troubles so hard, dont nobody know what troubles we got



Mood: depressed
 
 


 
  2004.08.24  00.55


finally got asked out today! ^^ he finally got the courage.

oh he is so tall and cute ^^ i love god so much. he's like the coolest dude ever. i totally

did not get busted for sneaking out, rock on!


i love when his shirt smells really good.


we watched the sun set today. colours galore. like a beautiful spill of watercolours in the sky

 
 


 
  2004.08.17  14.50


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


A FREAKIN BASTARD CUT ME OFF AGAIN ON MY TEST AND I FAILED IT AGAIN !!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

i dont have the money to take it again omg holy shit

*breathe*

fuck im mad. I really thought i did a helluva lot better than last time.


aug 31. i WILL PASSSSSSSSSSSSs

 
 


 
  2004.08.08  01.24


lalalala

havent posted here in awhile

guess my sanity has held so far

umm

hmm

summer has been fun

parents being assholes as usual but whatever its the summer they cant ruin it for me

may be quitting my job soon

failed my fucking road test....goddamnit!

i will pass next time FOR SURE

and i am hanging out with a big bunch of guys who love me

my summer rocks man!

:)

-V.
not my real initial!

 
 


 
  2004.07.09  23.25


holy fucking shit so my fucking fuckhead mother doesn't notice when i'm in a fucking depression and cutting myself and thinking of fucking suicide last year but she notices that i spend time on the fucking internet talking to my friends. something HEALTHY fer crissake.

i fucking hate HATE HATE my fucking parents they ruin everything for me. i may bat it around all i want - the issue of where all my hate and fucking anger comes from - but i will say a good portion comes right from my gay fucking asshole parents. they are morons and they always ruin my fun and fucking make me mad, ask me the most RETARDED questions, won't let me do what I WANT and are like the jailers. they have this huge fucking massive need to fucking control all aspects of my stupid life and they need to shut the fuck up and realize what the fuck ... that i'm actually a smart kid who fucking needs her goddamn space. oh my god i will explode one day. god. i just had a spat with my "mother" i don't even consider her that the whore god i feel "bad" for saying shit like that but it just is the goddamn blaring truth she needs to fucking smoke up or something, just lighten the fuck up. jesus please save me. fucking morons

just ONE MORE YEAR. got an 87.6% average which is fucked. i dont care. next year im going to study so fucking hard and get into EVERY SINGLE UNIVERSITY JUST TO GET THE HELLLLLLLLLLLL OUT OF MY HOUSE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! goddamn it just when things are going okay in my life my FUCKING MORON FUCKER PARENTS MESS IT ALL UP. goddamn. fucking shit lay the fuck off. i wish they read this so they would know to fuck off.

ONE MORE YEAR. how often do i have to fucking rant in this stupid journal before i can get out of here???? they are crushing my fucking intellect! they are crushing my soul! they are crushing me! i want to cry.

oh god just kill me.
is this your way of making sure i'm going to get into university and study?
have asshole parents who are so moronic that their stupidity makes you want to scream
and study just to leave a bad situation???
-V.

 
 


 
  2004.07.07  22.34


Why does sneaking out at night ROCK SO @&Y@#*@(*#@ DAMN MUCH??????

Holy the night was electric ! ... literally, there was a massive lightning storm and
going 140 on a wet highway with your best friend as the illegal driver???


ROCKING. TOTALLY ROCK.

Watching the lightning and hearing the thunder all around you with only your car on
the highway. Oh man, the window down, a light breeze, nice tunes. Ahh. It was some
good good times. CRAZY lightning all over the place, huge forks in the sky it was
gorgeous and electrifyingly creepy. Going to Tim Hortons at 3 AM only to see the guy
who scammed you money at the place you work, leaving you short in your till??


PRICELESS.

Just talking and chilling. I know it's terrible to sneak out but goddamn the way
my parents keep me and treat me like this is a prison and that i shouldn't be
going out anywhere, sneaking out is the only thing that makes sense to me.

Getting your bag rained on with your paycheck in it?? And cashing the soggy bastard
in at 4am in the worse part of town??

CRAZY.


Seeing your best friends old house then hearing voices coming from the bushes only
to see the guy who abandoned your club and whose family pastime is smoking weed,
dressed in a suit, come rambling out at 4:30 am??

HILARIOUS.


Seeing the murder at Sobey's? Then seeing it on the news 12 hours later?? Going to sleep
for 3 hours? Then having work call you telling you to come in?


WEIRD.

Its crazy, i saw the murder scene. Creepy. --_____--

Holy. good times this morning! lol sneaking out! ^^
This is going to be a weekly thing.

-V.

 
 


 
  2004.07.03  01.05


Why am i just so goddamn exhausted with everyone right now??

 
 


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